Why I Love Working with BPD Clients — And Why the Diagnosis Gets a Bad Rap

When people hear the words Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), there’s often a sharp intake of breath. Stereotypes roll in almost automatically: “difficult,” “manipulative,” “unstable.” These words get thrown around far too easily, and the weight of them is heavy.

To be honest, I find this stigma both unfair and unhelpful. When clinicians avoid working with people who have a BPD diagnosis, I can’t help but wonder what that says about their capacity for compassion. Therapy isn’t about choosing only the “easy” clients, it’s about being able to sit with the messy, complicated parts of being human. Avoiding that work often reveals more about the professional’s limitations than the client’s.

Because the reality is some of the most compassionate, resilient, and insightful people I’ve ever had the privilege of working with are those with BPD. The way I understand it, BPD often looks like a highly sensitive person who grew up desperately wanting love and connection, but who also had to abandon or protect parts of themselves again and again just to stay safe. Many arrive in therapy feeling ashamed of their emotions, questioning their worth, or believing they’re “too much” for the world.

That stigma is heartbreaking. Because from where I sit, BPD is not about being “too much.” It’s about living in a world where emotions feel bigger than most people can imagine, and where relationships can feel like both salvation and danger all at once.

And here’s the thing: I love working with people who have BPD. They’re inspiring, committed to therapy, incredibly honest, and, more often than not, good-humored too.

Why BPD Has Such a Bad Reputation

The baggage begins with the diagnosis itself. The word “borderline” comes from an old idea that people hovered on the border between psychosis and neurosis. That language is outdated now, and to me, it feels completely off the mark.

Yes, people with BPD can experience overwhelming emotions, quick changes in mood, and strong reactions. But they’re also grounded, witty, and—contrary to the myths—often excellent at reflecting on themselves and taking responsibility. Many of my BPD clients make genuine efforts to own their actions and grow in ways that put most of us to shame.

Unfortunately, the world doesn’t usually see that side.

• In the media, characters with BPD are often portrayed as volatile or destructive.

• In mental health services, the label “BPD” can sometimes cause professionals to back away, labelling clients as “too risky” or “too much.”

This creates a vicious cycle: people with BPD are judged not for who they are, but for the fear and stigma attached to the name. It means that when someone finally reaches out for help, they may already feel unwanted before therapy has even begun.

What I See in BPD Clients

But when you strip away the stigma and meet the person in front of you, what emerges is extraordinary.

• Big hearts. People with BPD care deeply. Their loyalty, sensitivity, and love for others are profound. Sometimes their emotions are so intense that their generosity gets misunderstood, but underneath the storm is a huge capacity for compassion and connection.

• Emotional depth. At its core, BPD is not about being “manipulative.” It’s fundamentally an emotional and attachment dysregulation condition. That means emotions come in loud, relationships matter enormously, and fears of abandonment can feel unbearable. But that same depth also means BPD clients notice things others miss, feel life intensely, and connect in ways that are raw and authentic.

• Resilience and insight. Many of my clients with BPD have faced trauma, invalidation, or abandonment in their early lives. And yet—they show up. They ask hard questions, sit with discomfort, and push themselves towards growth. There’s an honesty and determination in that which I find deeply moving.

Therapy That Works

One of the most powerful truths I share with BPD clients is this: you are not broken.

You’re dysregulated. That’s different. And with the right strategies, you can learn to regulate your emotions, strengthen your relationships, and—perhaps most importantly—learn to love and respect yourself.

Therapy for BPD is not about erasing feelings. It’s about learning how to live with them in a way that doesn’t consume you. Regulation skills are the cornerstone:

• Breathing techniques to bring the body back from fight-or-flight.

• Grounding and sensory tools to anchor into the present.

• Mindfulness to separate what’s happening now from echoes of the past.

• Naming emotions so they can be felt and released instead of acted out.

• Boundary-setting to protect both self and relationships.

We also often work with parts of the self—the child, the teenager, the protector, the saboteur. These parts don’t just disappear, but when they’re listened to, validated, and comforted, they stop sabotaging relationships and instead are allied aspects which deserve love and compassion.

These strategies don’t take away the emotions, but they create space between the feeling and the action. Over time, that space becomes freedom—the freedom to choose, to pause, to respond instead of react.

And when that shift happens, it’s life-changing. Many of my clients go on to build more stable relationships, develop self-trust, and rewrite the stories they once believed about themselves.

Shifting the Narrative

So where does that leave us? To me, it’s simple:
BPD is not a life sentence, and it’s not a verdict of being “too much.” It’s a way of experiencing the world that comes with challenges, yes—but also with gifts.

When clients with BPD are met with compassion and patience, the transformation is profound. Their intensity becomes passion. Their sensitivity becomes empathy. Their longing for closeness becomes the foundation for genuine, lasting connection.

I’ve watched people once weighed down by shame grow into strong, loving, self-aware versions of themselves. And I’ve learned that the very qualities that get labelled as “difficult” are often the same qualities that make them extraordinary human beings.

So yes, BPD has a bad rap. But it shouldn’t. In my experience, clients with BPD are not a burden—they are some of the most courageous, inspiring, and transformative people I’ve ever had the privilege to walk alongside.

And that’s why I love working with them.