Choosing the Right Therapy and Therapist: A Slightly Biased Guide
Finding the right therapy can feel a lot like dating. You’re looking for that click — someone who understands you, gets your quirks, and doesn’t make you feel like you’re talking to a brick wall. You’re also hoping you won’t spend months (and a small fortune) only to realise it’s going nowhere. The truth is, there’s no one-size-fits-all approach — but after years of working with clients, there are a few therapies I find myself coming back to again and again.
And here’s the thing: picking a therapist isn’t just about picking a therapy type from a menu. Chemistry matters. Therapy works best when you feel understood, respected, and able to be yourself — no performance, no filtering, no editing.
It’s also worth checking your therapist’s background. If you’re neurodivergent, for example, working with someone who truly gets neurodivergence can be transformative. Not just someone who knows the lingo, but someone who understands the lived experience — sensory overload, social exhaustion, the way environments can feel like they’re designed against you. Without that understanding, even the best-intentioned therapy can miss the mark.
Some therapies work brilliantly for certain needs but can be a poor fit for others. Take CBT: great for changing unhelpful thought patterns, but it won’t magically help with sensory overload. In fact, if your therapist treats overwhelm as a “thought problem” rather than something your body experiences, you might end up feeling worse.
Psychodynamic therapy can also be tricky without that neurodivergent lens. If you’ve been excluded from far too many situations, the issue might not be an inner “pattern” to unravel — it might be that you’ve been navigating environments that are genuinely inaccessible. In those cases, years of deep analysis might not be as helpful as learning practical tools, like in DBT, to manage emotions and navigate the world on your own terms.
So how do the main therapies stack up? Here’s my (admittedly biased) take:
DBT – Dialectical Behaviour Therapy
If therapy types were people, DBT would be your ultra-practical friend who turns up with snacks, a plan, and three ways to fix whatever chaos you’ve landed in. It’s about skills — breathing techniques, better ways to communicate, strategies to stop spiralling and resist the urge to text that person for the fifth time just because they liked your Instagram story but didn’t message back. It’s structured, it’s active, and you can start using the tools from day one. For neurodivergent clients, it’s gold for emotional regulation and building everyday resilience.
EMDR – Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing
EMDR is the cool, mysterious friend who helps you make sense of your story without dragging you through every gritty detail. It’s used to process trauma — and trauma isn’t just about huge, dramatic events. It’s anything that overwhelms your ability to cope and leaves a lasting mark.
Unlike some talk therapies, EMDR is less about your therapist pointing out patterns and more about your brain making the connections itself. You get those “ah-ha” moments that shift deep-seated patterns and release emotional weight. It’s physical, it’s grounding, and sometimes it even feels like a spiritual experience.
CBT – Cognitive Behavioural Therapy
CBT is the checklist friend. They’re focused, structured, and brilliant for dealing with recent, specific problems — like anxiety that started after an awkward work presentation. It’s no-nonsense and often the NHS favourite because it delivers quick results without diving into your childhood. But for neurodivergent clients, it’s not a magic bullet — CBT won’t fix sensory overload or environmental barriers. Still, it can be a great short-term tool if used alongside other approaches.
Psychodynamic Therapy
Psychodynamic therapy is the wise, reflective friend who remembers everything you’ve ever told them and helps you see patterns you didn’t know were there. It’s brilliant for exploring your history, relationships, and the “why” behind your “what.” But it’s a slow burn — and for neurodivergent clients, it works best when the therapist also understands the external, systemic factors shaping your experiences.
Why I’m a DBT + EMDR Superfan
For me, DBT and EMDR are the therapy dream team. DBT gives you the tools to handle the present; EMDR clears the weight of the past. One builds the skills, the other clears the roadblocks. Together, they keep you steady now while freeing you from what’s been holding you back for years.
The Takeaway
Whichever approach you choose, remember: the “right” therapy is the one where you feel safe, understood, and genuinely supported. The rest is just the method. The real magic happens in the relationship — and when you find that fit, therapy stops feeling like a search and starts feeling like home.
If you’re wondering which therapy might work for you, start by asking what you need most right now: skills for today, understanding of your past, or both. And if you want to talk it through, my door is always open.
